Never Alone Again
by rtaylor23
Summary: Extended cut of the Synthesis ending. Kaidan Romanced. Our favorite human biotic dreaming of his lost love, then realizing, she is not really gone, but lives on in all of them. Oneshot. (Same writer and story from old account)


"_Wake up," came a small voice._

_Shepard was on all fours and looked up. She looked into what should have been the face of a small child. He was translucent and seemed to emit a blue glow._

"_Where am I?" she asked struggling to her feet and holding her left hand over her stomach. _

_Kaidan could see blood seeping between her burned fingers. He felt tears gather in his eyes. He wished he could run to her, pick her up and save her. Take her away like they had talked about. Go hide in the great expanse beyond the relays. Be together forever and not worry about saving the galaxy for a fourth time. Forget the Alliance, the Reapers, Cerberus. Leave it all behind. His attention was drawn back to the scene in front of him._

"_The Citadel. It's my home," the translucent child said as he walked away from Shepard._

_ She glanced around for a moment, no doubt taking in what she could see of the battle happening outside. Kaidan studied her face. Blood was dripping from her nose and the side of her mouth. There was a gash in her left eyebrow and blood was trailing down the side of her face and there was a burn on her other cheek bone._

"_Who are you?" Shepard asked, finally tearing her eyes away from what she could see of the battle outside._

"_I am the Catalyst."_

"_I thought the Citadel was the Catalyst," Shepard said flinching as she tried to move forward._

"_No, the Citadel is part of me."_

"_I need to stop the Reapers," Shepard said stepping closer and leaning over a bit. "Do you know how I can do that?"_

_Kaidan felt his heart break. Shepard sounded so desperate. She needed to save the world. She needed to destroy the reapers. If she didn't, everything that she had been working toward for three months would have been for nothing. Uniting the Turian and Krogan. The Geth and Quarians. All for nothing more than bringing everyone to the Reapers for an easier slaughter. Kaidan felt her desperation. She was so close to fixing it. To saving everyone. _

"_The reapers are mine. I control them. They are my solution," the Catalyst said._

"_Solution?" Shepard said. "To what?"_

"_Chaos. You bring it on yourselves," the child said as he walked away._

_Shepard tried to walk quickly after him, but there was a significant limp in her left leg._

"_The created will always rebel against their creators," the Catalyst continued. "But we found a way to stop that from happening. A way to restore order for the next cycle."_

_Kaiden finally pulled his eyes away from Shepard and looked up to the middle of the room. There was a beam in the middle with two arms on each side. One had a blue light on the floor and the other had a red one. Both arms were huge and the green beam of light in the middle was shooting bursts of energy up though the length of it every once in a while._

"_By wiping out organic life?" Shepard asked the Catalyst._

_He stopped and turned._

"_No. We harvest advanced civilizations, leaving the younger ones alone."_

_He turned and began walking again as he continued._

"_Just as we left your people alive the last time we were here."_

"_But you killed the rest," Shepard pointed out._

"_We helped them ascend so they could make way for new life, storing the old life in reaper form."_

"_I think we'd rather keep our own form," Shepard growled._

_Kaidan smiled._

"_No, you can't," the Catalyst said, just as forcefully. "Without us to stop it, synthetics would destroy all organics. We've created this cycle so that never happens. That's the solution."_

"_But you're taking away our future. Without a future, we have no hope," Shepard argued. "Without hope, we might as well be machines, programmed to do what we we're told."_

"_You have hope. More than you think," the Catalyst said. "The fact that you are here, the first organic ever, proves it. But it also proves my solution won't work anymore."_

"_So now what?" she asked._

"_We find a new solution."_

"_How?" Shepard choked out between gasps of pain._

"_The Crucible changed me. Created new… possibilities. But I can't make them happen. You want to destroy us."_

_Kaidan and Shepherd's eyes were drawn at the same time to the red lit platform under one of the arms._

"_You can wipe out all synthetic life if you want. Even you, are partly synthetic."_

"_But the reapers will be destroyed?" Shepard confirmed._

"_Yes, but the peace won't last," the Catalyst answered quickly. "Soon, your children will create synthetics, and then chaos will come back."_

"_Maybe," Shepard said thoughtfully._

"_Or, do you think you can control us."_

_Once again, Kaidan and Shepard both looked left to the blue lit platform._

"_Hum, so the Illusive man was right after all," Shepard scoffed._

"_Yes," the Catalyst confirmed. "But he could never have taken control because we already controlled him."_

"_But I can."_

_ It was not a question. Shepard set her jaw and looked at the blue lit platform._

"_You will die. You will control us, but you will lose everything you have," the Catalyst warned._

_ Kaidan felt his heart pause between beats. Everything she has. She had him. All of him was hers._

"_But the reapers will obey me?" she asked without a seconds hesitation._

_ Kaidan's throat closed a little. She didn't even stop to think about him. Not even a little pause. He quickly realized that was why he loved her. She always put everyone else before herself. She put the fate of the galaxy above everyone else. Him included._

"_Yes. There is another solution."_

_Kaidan's heard jumped into his throat._

"_Yeah?" Shepard said, looking down at the transparent person._

"_Synthesis."_

"_And that is?" she asked_

"_Add your energy to the Crucible's."_

_Shepard looked ahead of them to where the beam was pulsing._

"_Everything you are will be absorbed and then sent out. The chain reaction will combine all synthetic and organic life into a new framework. A new DNA."_

"_I don't," she paused. "I don't know."_

_Kaidan knew. As soon as he heard the three choices he knew exactly what she would pick, even if she didn't yet._

"_Why not?" the Catalyst asked in a monotone. "Synthetics are already part of you. Can you imagine your life without them?"_

"_And there will be peace?" Shepard asked._

"_The cycle will end," the Catalyst said after a moment of hesitation. "Synthesis is the final evolution of life, but we need each other to make it happen. You have a difficult decision. Releasing the energy of the Crucible will end the cycle, but it will also destroy the Mass Relays. The paths are open, but you have to choose."_

_Kaidan watched as Shepard glanced between the left and right platforms then started to limp down the middle. He gulped as she stumbled and let out a groan, then managed to stand up. As soon as she passed the first platforms she dropped her gun and began to run. She made it to the edge in ten seconds and did a swan dive off into the beam._

"No!" Kaidan shouted springing forward to stop her, but instead waking himself up.

He sat up and leaned his head into his hands.

"Damn it," he said breathing hard. "Damn it, damn it, damn it."

Tears poured from his eyes as he slowly pulled his knees up to his chest.

"Damn it, Shepard," he said. "This is the second time I've lost you. The second time."

Kaidan threw his feet over the edge of the bed, head still in his hands and stood up. The crew quarters were empty, but Kaidan felt too crowded. He turned and put both hands on the bed above his and hung his head. He watched the tears fall down onto the cold ground. His breath was still coming in ragged gulps when he shook his head and left his quarters. The doors slid open easily and he went down the hallway to starboard observation. The heavy 'thunk' of his boots drew attention in the quiet hallway and Liara poked her head out of the woman's bathroom. She watched him go inside and the door close. She came out and followed him, but stopped at the door.

Inside, Kaidan stood in front of the large window. They were back in space after a few days on that strange, earthlike world, though the relays weren't working, so they couldn't go very far. Liara and Tali had talked long and hard with Joker and they had finally decided they were somewhere in the Terminus system. Or the Attican Traverse. No one was really sure. Regardless, Kaidan wanted to get back to earth. The only person in the last four years that had made him feel human was gone and there was nothing he could do about it. Not in the Terminus system anyway. If what he had just seen was what actually happened, she was truly gone. Suddenly he smashed his palms into the metal around the window and let out an angry yell.

"I'm here! I'm here waiting for you! Waiting to hold you again!" he shouted echoing their words to one another. "Shepard I'm here."

He sunk down the wall to his knees, hands on the thick window.

"I'm here. I'm waiting. Please come back. Don't go somewhere I can't follow."

"Kaidan," Liara's soft voice penetrated the thick layer of pain that surrounded him.

He didn't turn. Only sat with his head against the window, sobbing.

"Kaidan," Liara tried again.

She stepped quietly forward and gracefully knelt behind him. She laid a blue hand on his shoulder that only now he realized was exposed. He realized he was shirtless as her long fingers gripped his shoulder. He closed his eyes for a moment and could almost pretend Liara's fingers were not blue. He could pretend they were human. He could pretend they were connected to the woman he loved. Finally he had to open his eyes and met Liara's. Her once blue eyes were a light teal now. Everyone had changed since that green blast from the Crucible, though no one knew why.

Everyone had their ideas, but no one knew for sure. The whole crew had green pulsing lines on their bodies. The designs reminded Kaidan strikingly of a computer chip. The green came and went in waves and his once brown eyes had turned golden. Most of the crew's eyes had changed colors. James and Garrus' seemed to be the only ones that had stayed normal.

Liara held Kaidan's shoulder and looked carefully into his face.

"She told me she would be waiting. When this was all over," Kaidan said looking at the ground.

"No one really thought she would be gone," Liara said quietly. "I certainly never imagined I would outlive her."

Kaidan stiffened and looked up at her.

"She is with the Goddess now. And she is waiting for us there. How did Garrus say it? In the bar?"

Kaidan smirked.

"Yeah, in the bar."

Liara hesitated before speaking again.

"Where do your people go when they die?" she asked.

Kaidan frowned at her.

"What do the people of earth believe?"

Kaidan sighed.

"Well there are a lot of religions," he started.

He was more than a little confused as to Liara's line of questioning, but he had nothing better to do, so he indulged her.

"Christianity is the biggest I guess."

"Christianity?" Liara repeated.

Kaidan nodded.

"When people die, they either go to heaven or hell."

Liara frowned, so Kaidan explained further.

"Heaven is where you want to go. Hell is bad."

Liara blinked and nodded.

"You have heard me say 'By the Goddess?" she asked.

Kaidan nodded.

"The Goddess Athame. The Asari religion founded on the worship of Athame. In ancient times, Athame was a goddess of prophecy and fate, and the matriarch of the Asari. Athame's worship gradually changed, becoming the basis for a monotheistic religion in which her maiden, matron and matriarch aspects oversaw all stages and roles in Asari society."

Liara stood and looked out the window.

"When an Asari says, 'by the Goddess,' they are referring to Athame. Worship of Athame eventually fell out of favor as the Asari turned to the Siari religion."

Kaidan hadn't understood most of what she had just said and she saw it in his face.

"Athame was credited for helping to bring enlightenment to the ancient Asari. The ancient Asari also believed that Athame protected our homeworld from attacks by other jealous gods."

"So that is where you're people go?" Kaidan asked. "To be with Athame?"

Liara hung her head.

"Many Asari have fallen away from Athame's teaching. Those who hold true to The Goddesses' teachings are very few."

"I'm sorry," Kaidan said, seeing the pain in the blue features.

She looked down at him, her soft eyes filled with tears. At the sorrow on her face, Kaidan found his strength and stood. He took Liara softly by the lower arms and pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and let the tears fall easily; soundlessly down her cheeks and onto his tan skin. Kaidan found the couch with his foot and dropped down onto it, pulling Liara with him. She collapsed against his chest, tears pouring down her cheeks now. Kaidan held her, realizing it was her turn to break down. After a minute, Kaidan felt her tense muscles begin to relax, although her sobs increased. Eventually they fell into a deep sleep. Their shared sadness and longing for the one they lost, brought them closer than anything ever could, and they finally got a full night's sleep. They were both so exhausted, it took three inquires from EDI to rouse them.

"Major. Major Alenko. Dr. T'Soni."

Kaidan opened his eyes and blinked for a moment before he answered.

"What is it EDI?"

Liara opened her eyes and looked up from her spot against his chest.

"We are beginning preparations for the ceremony."

"Already?" Liara asked quietly.

"It is the specified day," EDI responded. "We are meeting on the crew deck in twenty minutes."

"Thank you EDI," Kaidan said looking down and meeting Liara's eyes.

They were beautiful and tired and sorrowful. Everything that he knew was mirrored in his eyes.

'Maybe minus the beautiful part,' he added as an afterthought to himself.

"It is time to say goodbye," she said leaning away from him.

"Goodbye," he mumbled.

"Come," she said standing and extending a hand to him.

He looked at it for a long moment, then took it and stood. She gave him a weak smile and they walked arm in arm out to where almost everyone was already gathered. Garrus, James and Traynor were standing closest and turned to look at them when they approached. EDI was right behind them with Joker.

"Ahh perfect timing," Garrus said ushering them over. "EDI finished running the tests of all our blood samples."

"Figured out why we are green yet?" James asked her.

"Yes. I have. We no longer have the same DNA as we had before. I have blood and tissue samples from all the crew from before this mission started, and everyone's has changed."

"How is that possible?" Kaidan asked.

"It isn't, but somehow, it has happened," EDI said, turning her glowing eyes on him. "Stranger still, is who's DNA does show up in all of ours."

The group waited.

"It is Shepard's. "

No one spoke for a moment.

"How is that possible?" Liara asked, mimicking Kaidan's earlier words.

"Again, I do not know. I do however know that we are all different. No one who was previously organic is 100% organic anymore. Everyone is part organic and part synthetic."

"Like Shepard was," Garrus pointed out.

"Exactly," EDI said looking at him. "Shepard must have had to activate the weapon somehow with her DNA. When the weapon activated, it spread her DNA across the galaxy, changing all of ours."

Again, no one spoke, until Kaidan broke the silence a few minutes later.

"EDI, are you alive?"

She blinked twice before turning to face the memorial wall.

"I am alive. All of us, synthetic and organic, have been changed. The war is over, and the Reapers are helping to rebuild. Where once they threatened us with extinction, they now bring us the collective knowledge of the cultures that came before."

She paused as the last few crew members exited the elevator and stood behind the main crew.

"As a galaxy," she continued. "We can now live the lives we have wished for; taking our steps into a new and wonderful future, where organics and synthetics can coexist peacefully. With peace across the galaxy and unlimited access to knowledge, to recover the greatness that was lost…"

She paused again and a shadow of a smile crossed her face

"And surpass it. We will reclaim our worlds...and the stars. As the line between synthetic and organic disappears, we may transcend mortality itself, to reach a level of existence I cannot even imagine. And we will remember that this chance for a new life did not come without cost."

She stopped as Garrus handed Kaidan a freshly engraved nameplate. Kaidan held it tenderly, remembering the night's he had held the owner of that name just as tenderly. He lifted his eyes slowly and looked at all the names. Everyone who had been lost. Ash was at the top of the list. It had been a long time since he had thought of Ashley Williams. The spunky Lt who he had begged Shepard to save back on Vermire. In retrospect, he was glad she saved him. He wouldn't have wanted to miss out on this adventure. Legion and Mordin had given their lives on this mission to save their people and earth. Eve was there too, although she had not been part of the crew, Shepard had insisted her name be there. Urgnot Wreve and Thane Krios were a few spaces down and finally David Anderson was in the middle. Kaidan knew where the name in his hand was supposed to go, but he hesitated. He looked down at the nameplate in his hands and blinked back tears, then turned his golden eyes on the wall again. Finally, while keeping his eyes on her name, he took the hardest step he would ever have to take. One, two, three, four and he was at the wall. One reach of his arm and her name would be up there, right above Anderson's. Worse, it would mean she was really dead. He read the name one last time then looked up at the wall. Finally he brought his hands up and pressed the metal to the magnate. He pressed the plate on, although he knew he didn't need to then let his left hand drop to his side.

His other hand lingered. He watched the green lines appear in waves and he couldn't help smiling. She was in him. She was part of him forever. She was part of everyone. He finally stepped back and crossed his arms as EDI spoke again.

"No matter how far we advance, we will remember the sacrifices of those who made it possible."

She stopped and Kaidan glanced over his shoulder at her.

"And we will remember Shepard."

Her voice cracked. A strange sign of emotion from an AI. That is when Kaidan realized, she wasn't an AI anymore. That is when Kaidan extended a strange form of human comfort, EDI would have found foreign three weeks ago. The last sentence EDI said into Kaidan's ear while he hugged her.

"Because of her, I am alive, and I am not alone."

None of them were alone anymore. Especially not Kaidan.


End file.
